i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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