Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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