I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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