the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize