He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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