Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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