Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize