Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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