I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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