I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
NoShamevember. You game?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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