Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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