I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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