She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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