time to smoke my breakfast
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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