she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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