Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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