Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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