He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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