You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't make out with my wife yet
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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