I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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