Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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