Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize