I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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