cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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