I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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