When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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