I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize