you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize