i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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