She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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