im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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