You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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