Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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