she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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