Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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