one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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