Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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