you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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