she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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