i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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