ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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