Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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