We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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