Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize