Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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