I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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