I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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