It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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