youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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