I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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